One of the lesser pleasures of life is this: coming to the end of something and realizing that you messed up, that you messed around. It happens to me too much, and I need to learn from regret.
If I were able to do college all over again I would do so with out a thought, and I would do so entirely differently. I would not major in English. I would major in something in the Journalism school, or perhaps Art Studio. I wish that I would have enjoyed my classes and enjoyed learning.
I think that one of the reasons I haven’t enjoyed school is because I’ve made it about a degree. I took classes because I was supposed to take them and not because I wanted to learn the knowledge and principles they offered. I regret this. I am going to leave college barely smarter (if at all) than when I got here, all because I didn’t make college about learning.
Apart from that I’ve done college very selfishly. My parents made sacrifices to try to insure that I did not graduate college in debt, but I fear that may not be the case. I have taken a generous gift in an entirely ungrateful way, and I owe them an apology. They’ve paid for food, rent, three summer school classes (to keep my scholarships) and leftover tuition.
The problem is that I viewed all of this as something that was owed to me. My parents had to pay for tuition, car insurance, food, rent, books, etc. because they were my parents. They didn’t have to. They did because they wanted to help me. Instead of appreciating their generosity I have undermined it, goofing off and not doing the work I should have been. So when it comes down to it I let them down. I didn’t respect the gifts that they were giving me, and now I’ll probably be losing them.
In all this I think that it will be good for me in the long run. I will try to appreciate things that are given to me. I won’t view things as owed to me. If I can get a loan I will take school more seriously (if only I had done this earlier). A semester off working would hopefully teach me to have a work ethic and me to be fiscally responsible. Working at school/jobs/etc should be a joy because God has blessed me with opportunity, something that not a lot of people get.
For taking everything lightly I apologize, to my parents, and to God, who has blessed me with everything (including my parents) and me not taking it like I should have. I’m sorry.
